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I am damaged goods... I suppose right now, my name is not important. I am writing to get some things off of my chest, and hope that someone can relate and most of all, understand. I will say that this is not something I do. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am very guarded when it comes to my emotions and my thoughts. But why? Well... I once knew a boy. A boy that I had the strongest belief, could turn into a man. Me, being my younger self, didn't realize that this was a false hope. But I couldn't let it go. I found myself used and . It's the oldest story in the book of and horrid tales. I gave up a real man for this boy. xxx night, he pinned me down on his bed after I had tried to leave for the millionth time. I still re his breath upon my ear while he sobbedwomen naked in roanoke rapids whispered, fuck local bitches Tacoma "I can't do it... The thought of someone else touching your skin... it me inside.." and it kept me. A few more months passed and I found myself sitting in a small room in his company. I had my hands over my face peering at him through my fingers. I watched in as he fumbled around with a package of , and little did I know, he had already taken a whole other box. "I can't do this anymore..." his voice was a breathy whisper, and I couldn't help but cry. A moment in time that rendered me virtually emotionless... I don't ever want to feel that again. My body shook and I barely recognized my own voice as I pleaded with him, "Please.. go throw them up... PLEASE!? You better do it or I'll shove my fucking fingers down your throat!" In his hazy stupor, he shook his head, and to unnerve me further, he slowly smiled. "I don't deserve to live." hewomen naked in roanoke rapids whispered, fuck local bitches Tacoma shaking his head all the while. "I ruined everything. Your life. Their lives... My life. I'm not worth anything..." Not worth anything...? Here I am, ten years down the road with this boy, having invested all I had in him. And he was worth nothing? Was my love and adoration really so dismissable? Was our life together really so easily swept away? To further illustrate the intensity of my love, I stayed awake. Tired and mentally worn, I don't believe I blinked the entire time I watched him sleep. He didn't die. Thankfully, there wasn't enough, but as I watched his chest slowly rise and fall, I knew I wouldn't ever be the same. I am insensitive, seemingly emotionless, and rather hard to love. The only good thing that came of a boy who tried on many occasions to out himself before my eyes is a sweet little man who happens to be snoring right beside me. And I am . It's always the darkest in my mind, no matter how sunny the day. I spend every ounce of love I can muster on this amazing , but when I am alone, I am consumed. I want to close my eyes again without being put back into such a dark place in the past. I don't show it, but I am unbearably lonely. I have dreams about a man I do not know, and all he does is comfort me. I dare say, it is becoming much more difficult to wake, sleepily searching my bed beside me, only to find absolutely nothing there. And it's not about sex. It's not about money, or where I'm going in life. Aside from a suicidal scene, I have been through so much. There is more pain in my past than anything else. I want to love someone again. Someone who will understand the sacrifices I would be willing to make. Someone who won't take it for granted, 
